Saturday, June 19, 2010

love hurts when you do it right, you can cry when you get older

Last night was a night that was weird. Just weird, cuz there is no other way to even describe it...

The band had a gig last night. I rode over with the drummer and we had a nice long talk. He informed me that my guy that I like just had ANOTHER KID from a girl that he drunkenly slept with on his birthday. Hearing it from someone else really upset me. Especially since my guy and I have recently gotten closer.

It was so awkward pulling up to the venue. He was standing there with a girl who I had assumed was the momma. (I later found out she wasnt) So I was all angry and stuff and barely said like 2 words to him. The night continued its awkwardness as I hung out with the lead singer's girlfriend by the merch. We even took off for Rutters and got snacks. I was too upset to eat, so I got a liter of diet coke to drink and some grape bubble gum.

While I was outside talking to him, he was like "what's wrong? Do you wanna talk?" I said yes and we walked away from the venue. And here is what I said...

"I have to tell you something...I like you. A lot. And I know you have a lot of stuff going on, but I just wanted you to know that. I am not trying to be in a relationship with you, but I really like you and I needed to get that off my chest.And it really hurt me that you never once told me that you were having another child, and I had to hear it from someone else."

He proceeded with the fact that he didnt know how to tell people and he was just frustrated with his whole situation and everything going on his life. And he said "there is definitely an attraction" but he isnt wanting to get involved with anyone (which he has said over and over and over. can you say COP OUT!)

Then I went on with "I just want to grab you and hug you and tell you everything is going to be ok. And I wish I could steal you and take you with me to California."

He said "I am stuck here now and I have no car, a crappy job, 2 kids, and my phone got shut off cuz I couldnt pay for it"

I had also said something like "I've heard from everyone that you are a type of womanizer and have all these girls in your life, and I know that I am probably just another one of them, but I want you to know that I am different. I am always going to be here for you. I care about you and I am doing everything I can to help your band out so that you can become successful."

He was appreciative and we walked back to the venue and went inside for some more awkwardness.

When the band finally went on stage, I did my best to take pictures and videos of everything. After the show, I saw a guy walk up to my guy and they were looking at me and smiling and talking. I yelled "are you talking about me?" The guy came over and said "yeah. I was just telling him about how you are the best band girlfriend ever!" And I said to him "Yeah, Im not a band girlfriend". I knew my guy heard, as he continued to pack up his equipment.

The night ended with a hug from all, and I left. I so badly wanted to just grab him and hug him for a long time and just be close, but he didnt want that. And as I left, I saw him walk another girl to her car.

SO this is my crazy love life. And now I have to get through the day somehow in one piece. Wish me luck.

xox. joelle

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