A lot has been going on in my life lately. Sean and I broke up mid January. At first it was really hard to get through, but I have now gotten to that point where I feel I can move on, and be ok. I have met new people recently, and I have gotten more excited about living life again. Unfortunately, I am terrible when it comes to the whole "dating: thing, and I pretty much enjoy people being in love with me, and me not having to give anything back. Actually, I like to have someone who is so infatuated with me be that person to pour my heart out, and no matter what, they will listen and be there for me because they love me. But the feelings are not mutual. I basically just need a shrink. HAHAHA. And I use the people around me to be my shrinks and my payment is leading them on and breaking their hearts. And the bad part is that I dont care.
Someone tell me this is wrong! I cant help it! This is why all of my past lovers I have not been attracted to, because all of the people I am attracted to, dont think I am attractive. I hope that makes some kind of sense.
I made a big mistake last night. I have been hanging out/texting this guy that I work with and he totally is into me, and I just want a friend. Whatever you do, DO NOT DRINK WITH PEOPLE WHO LIKE YOU! I kissed him. Yeah, I did. I was in a good mood, and he kept putting his face close to mine so I just kissed him. I didnt want to do it, but the looseness of the alcohol had made me more carefree and want to do it! Ew. I am such a bad person!
I just want someone to love me and I want to love them back and be attracted to them! Unfortunately, I am not finding anyone of the sort in the middle of nowhere town I live in.